Beauty Style

The Art of Beauty
Table of Contents
Political Correctness
The Big Picture
Beauty Myths
Blondes Have More Fun
Bigger Is Better
Only Beauties Are Beautiful
Specifics: Some Do's and Don'ts
Hair Length
Hair Style
Makeup
Accesories/Jewelry/Nails
Clothes and General Appearance
What's Really Sexy
What's Not At All Sexy
What's Overrated
Tattoos

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Political Correctness
Let me get this out of the way first. I have neither space nor inclination to debate the merits, the morality, or the political and philosophical implications of this page. But I will say this. Anyone who argues that people -- men or women -- can ignore physical attributes when evaluating each other is simply deluded by wishful thinking. Evolution has wired us to respond to appearance. Whether or not we should even try to resist this predisposition is a matter for another time and place. Here, the goal is to enjoy it. If you are reading this material, you should already know if you are to be bored, enraged, bemused, or genuinely interested by this site. In the first two cases, you might as well leave now. Otherwise, let's take it from here.

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The Big Picture
You might ask what business I -- a heterosexual man who knows next to nothing about fashion, makeup, or hair styling -- have in giving advice to women about how they look. I would argue that mine is exactly the type of advice you need to hear most but get least. This sort of advice can be valuable for several reasons:

First, it may be assumed that most of you have at least some concern for how you appear to men (of course, Naomi Wolfe and others who share her particuliar feminist ideology would denounce all such concern as being tantamount to collaboration with an enslaving patriarchal system of values, but then it is very easy for someone so beautiful as Naomi Wolfe to argue that appearance is unimportant).
Second, men see women very differently than women see themselves or other women.
Third, and most importantly, men do not see women exactly the way women think they do (or actually even the way men think they do).
On the other hand, you rarely if ever hear what men truly think for two reasons:

For one, you have systematically conditioned us to lie to you. A man learns very early in his interactions with women never to answer negatively when a woman asks him a question about how she looks. When he likes something, he may answer truthfully, but when he doesn't he will rarely speak the whole truth, if any truth at all.
For another, men are simply not very articulate in this entire area. While appearance probably influences men more than it does women, men are much less able to specify exactly what triggers their responses. They are not nearly as likely as a woman to notice small details, and they seldom possess the vocabulary, the background information, or the interest to intelligently discuss fashion at even a rudimentary level with the average woman. This includes me. As you will see, I will struggle at times to make my point, but I shall perservere.

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Beauty Myths (sorry Naomi)
In the last few years, the feminist movement has vociferously argued that women are unfairly conditioned to measure themselves against an unrealistic and arbitrary standard of beauty. What gets lost in this polemic is the fact that men are also constantly pushed and even pressured to prefer a particular set of physical attributes in women. Nonetheless, many do not succumb.

Myth #1: Blondes Have More Fun

A Dime a Dozen
Clairol's immensely influential ad-campaign of the early 60s notwithstanding, the blonde ideal goes back to the very roots (no pun intended) of Western European culture. Its zenith perhaps occurred in the Renaissance when the "fair" woman (blonde hair, blue eyes, pale complexion) was so entrenched as the ideal object of the emerging literature of love that the word "fair" became synonymous with "beautiful." The fact is, and pardon my bluntness here, that today blondes are a dime a dozen. Since so many of you with light to medium brown hair seem compelled to color it, I urge you to think darker rather than lighter. Truly rare and enchanting are the luxuriantly dark tresses of an Elizabeth Taylor. Think Christy Turlington, think Vivian Leigh, think . . . Geena Davis?

A Sad Example
Unfortunately, Geena Davis is a sad example of what not to do. Here is a woman blessed with beautiful dark hair. Then she makes a movie -- Thelma and Louise -- for which, in order to play a character who might fairly be described as "trailer trash," she dyes her hair a hideously unnatural shade of blonde. It works; she looks suitably trashy. So why does she leave her hair that way for something like two years afterwards? Then, just after she finally restores it to a more natural, appealing color, she makes another movie -- The Long Kiss Goodnight -- for which she whacks off her hair and bleaches what's left into an even more nightmarishly inappropriate shade of blonde. The last time I saw her, long after the film's release, she looked the same as she did in the movie -- horrible. What motivates her to do this? Does she really think it looks good? Do you?

The Profit Motive
The bottom line is that the appeal of light-colored hair is overrated. If you are (or ever were) naturally blonde, fine. A little augmentation or restoration is probably okay. But you should stay close to the actual color of your hair, and you should avoid at all costs colors that do not exist in nature. "Frosting" and similarly unnatural effects only benefit hair-coloring manufacturers and bored hairdressers. All they do for you is suggest that you possess either excessive vanity or insufficient self-confidence. You must remember that a whole lot of people have a huge economic stake in convincing you that you need to constantly change your appearance. The cosmetic and hair-care industries spend billions to persuade you to be dissatisfied with the way you naturally look when in many cases you look best just that way. All things being equal, natural is better.

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Myth #2: Bigger Is Better

Not Necessarily
Conventional wisdom dictates that virtually all men love large breasts. The fact is that some do and some do not. Although this stereotype certainly contains more than a kernel of truth, it is still vastly overstated. What is more, women actually seem at least as obsessed with breast size as men are. Don't get me wrong, men definitely pay attention to breasts, and large ones can have a sort of fascinating quality even to those of us who do not particularly prefer them. But women who feel inadequately blessed should not despair that men will find them attractive. If you asked 100 men to list ten well-known women they considered beautiful, you would certainly see slightly to averagely-endowed women like Michelle Pfeiffer, Madeleine Stowe, and Sharon Stone listed besides if not ahead of plastic bombshells like Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy. You would probably also find some relatively flat-chested women like Kate Moss or Amber Valletta mixed in as well. The point is that men are not the monolithic entity they are often made out to be and large breasts are not necessarily an important criteria they all use to judge beauty.

Surgery
The subject of breast implants is a huge one with all sorts of nuances, complexities, and controversies -- too many for a discussion here. But let me make a couple of points (if you already have implants you might as well leave this section now). First, I understand that women elect to have implants for many reasons, reasons which may or may not have anything to do with men in general or with a particular man. But if you are considering implants, you should know two things about them. I have discussed this subject with many, many men, and one thing I know is that a lot of us don't just dislike implants but are literally repelled by them. Secondly, it is my opinion that a man who would actually persuade a woman to have implants is likely more concerned with his appearance than with hers. In other words, his ultimate concern is how her appearance reflects on him.

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Myth #3: Only Beauties Are Beautiful

Objectification
Feminists often complain that emphasizing or even discussing physical beauty diminishes something called "the whole person." Although men can readily view images of women as purely aesthetic or even prurient objects, I think this tendency leads to an oversimplified view of male behavior. While most people would agree that a man's perception of a woman's appearance can affect his view of her other qualities, I would argue that the reverse is equally true, that a woman's abilities, intelligence, character, and personality all influence a man's view of her beauty. For men as well as women, the perception of beauty involves much more than an assessment of physical attributes. Who you are is every bit as important to us as what you look like.

Louder Than Words
Common sense dictates that people's actions reveal much more about their true feelings than do their words. One of the most intriguing facts concerning men's actions that I have encountered recently involves the Internet. Last year, film star Sandra Bullock and Gillian Anderson of tv's The X-Files were the two most popular female celebrities on the Web. Obviously, the scores of Web sites designed primarily to supply images of these actresses wouldn't exist unless men found them physically attractive. So what is it that men see in them? Interestingly, neither of these women even remotely resembles the centerfold image which is normally associated with male ideals of feminine beauty. In fact, if the two share anything in common it is their "normalness." They look like real people, like people you or I might know or work with or encounter in the grocery store. Today, you would find that the number of men visiting sites devoted to relatively ordinary-looking women like Gwyneth Paltrow, Christina Ricci, Claire Danes, and Kate Winslett would easily rival the traffic drawn by artificial bombshells like Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, or Carmen Electra. While you might object that someone like Gwyneth Paltrow is not "ordinary-looking," in fact she is, and like Sandra and Gillian she would never make it as a Playboy Playmate (not that Playboy wouldn't pay a fortune to get her in print sans clothes). Though all of these women are certainly attractive, their appeal has as much to do with how they presents themselves as it does with simple physical attributes. What they and Kate and Sandra and Gillian are all able to do is project a "character" that is appealing, suggesting that, while looks are important, personality is often equally important.

Chopped Beef
The status of these celebrities is important to my discussion for two reasons. For one thing, both women embody the basic advice I am offering here, that a natural look is better than an artificial one. Secondly, I think their popularity somewhat vindicates men from the complaint that we habitually chop women into a collection of body parts. I believe that the physical appeal of women like Sandra Bullock, Gillian Anderson, or Kate Winslett stems at least in part from the perception of them as likeable, admirable people. While such a perception may be unrealistic and is perhaps derived solely from the fictional characters each woman portrays, it still suggests that their "beauty" is based on much more than a mere assemblage of physical attributes.

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Specifics: Some Do's and Don'ts

Hair Length
For some reason, my discussion of this subject draws more angry response than everything else on this site put together, especially from adolescent girls. Too bad -- I'm not saying anything that everyone doesn't already know. The fact is that men like long hair. Of course there are exceptions, but, in general, when given a choice men will go for the mane thing. It is equally true that magazine editors, hairdressers, and the fashion industry in general will always advocate anything that requires constant change. That's how they make money. Hairdressers don't get paid for not cutting hair, and magazines don't sell issues by featuring the same hair style month after month. The media will constantly try to convince you that you need to change your look, and they will always favor shorter styles because such styles are more versatile (easier to change). Well, consider this. Last year, the WB television show Felicity was one of the hottest properties in Hollywood, and its star, Keri Russell, with her wild shock of long curly hair appeared on dozens of magazine covers and talk shows month after month. And trust me, she was the secret dreamgirl of many a man and boy. Then someone -- Keri herself, her agent, the show's producers, someone -- decided that the character Felicity needed to shake things up by whacking off her trademark locks. Now no one can say for sure just why, but the show "Felicity" lost about a million viewers immediately after this happened. It could be that viewers were just getting tired of watching all the whining, indecisive, and essentially unappealing characters on the show, but my guess would be that the million was the number of males who'd been watching just to look at Keri. Perhaps she's not a fair example because the result of her hair cut was the biggest disaster since Delilah took the shears to Samson. Trust me, although Keri Russell's new 'do is being praised and promoted by every magazine on the rack, it looks like crap. In fact, I've never seen anyone who looks worse with short hair. But before you damage your monitor in your fury at me, be sure you understand my point. If you already have short hair and people like it, then fine. But if you have long hair and you suddenly cut it off, it is likely you may disappoint the men in your life. Of course you should do what makes you happy; just don't be surprise if not everyone shares the joy of your self-expression. (Below is my original take on this subject).

The rule here is simple: men almost always prefer longer hair -- at least up to a point (anything below the middle of the back starts getting into "earth mother" territory, and it's probably best to avoid such excesses). One of the worst shocks and greatest disappointments you can give a husband or boyfriend is to surprise him with a radically new hairstyle. This almost always means a hair cut -- and no wonder since that is certainly what your hairstylist will recommend because from his or her perspective long, straight hair is boring (and ultimately less lucrative). This is a situation in which the "what do you think?" question is particularly cruel. A man would have great difficulty criticizing such a long-term change to your own physical being (it's not like a dress you can take back), but you can rest assured that the real answer will almost always be, "what in the Hell have you done?" In preparation for designing this site, I asked at least 20 men if they could think of one example in which a woman's appearance was improved by significantly shortening her hair. The uniform answer: "no!" Oh yeah, that reminds me; seen Liv Tyler lately?

(Now, should you become indignant at my temerity in suggesting that you consider a man's response to something that you "only do for yourself," all I can say is . . . give me a break.)

Admittedly, as they get older, women find it more difficult to wear their hair long attractively. However, that's all the more reason for you to keep it longer while you can (and should you think I'm unfairly picking on women, well at least you can be pretty sure your hair won't all fall out at some point).

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Hair Style
The simpler, the better. You should avoid overly processed or elaborate styles, and watch out for cutesy elements like bangs. Be especially careful to resist trendy hairdos like the Friends cut. Regardless of how much publicity it got, it looked terrible and turned Jennifer Aniston's very attractive medium-length hair into a "helmet head." Again, remember that stylists thrive on the windfall of such trends, and fashion magazines (indeed the whole fashion industry) as well as the media in general will jump on anything that offers them new material to sell. Granted, styles eventually change to a point that necessitates your changing with them, but overnight fads typically die as quickly as they erupt, leaving you stuck, for a while at least, with yesterday's look.

As for gels, weaves, braids, mousses, etc. -- why would you want to make your hair look greasy or dirty and hide its natural shine?

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Makeup
Like it or not, most women look better with a little makeup, but too much may be worse than none. I don't have the knowledge to be very specific here, but if your makeup is calling attention to itself then you're wearing too much.

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Accessories/Jewelry/Nails
Sorry, we just don't care about this stuff unless it's so garish or bizarre as to be tacky. You can't win here; the only things that really get our attention are negatives.

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Clothes and General Appearance

What is Really Sexy
Total Nudity (many women don't think men like this, but they are oh so wrong).
Nipple outlines
Bare midriffs / navels (if you can get away with it)
Tan-lines (I guarantee it)
Knits
"Little black dresses" (with straps)
Mini skirts (Thanks Fiddler, I forgot that one)
Moderately high heels
Jeans (or shorts), t-shirts, and running shoes (with white socks--not those "anklet" things)
Cotton bikini panties (you're damn right I mean it)
Bush (not the band)

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What Is Not At All Sexy
Bandau bikini tops (regardless of the typical fashion advice, they are not flattering; unfortunately, they are all over the runways and magazines this summer).
Any strapless bandau-type neckline (I don't know how else to describe it)
High-waisted panties
Excessive tans
Yuppie-type walking shoes (Birkenstocks, etc.)

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What Is Overrated
Fancy lingerie (especially compared to total nudity)
Very high heels
G-string, T-back, and lace panties
Boots
Hats
Bald (not a man)

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Tattoos
Those under thirty have the unfortunate fate to be part of a generation in which there is great peer pressure to have their bodies indelibly and permanently imprinted with a graphic image that, if you saw it elsewhere (like in a picture frame or upholstered on a couch, etc.), you would likely dismiss as amateurish or childish at best. To those of you who already have them, I can only say I have no wish to insult you. To those who are even considering indulging in this self-defacing exercise, let me only offer one argument by analogy. Go back at least five years in your memory and recall what you then thought was the coolest outfit or article of clothing you had. Now imagine that you have to continue wearing that same outfit or piece every day for the rest of your life. Possibly a few of you may have chosen something that you still consider cool, but chances are that won't last much longer (unless you cheated and picked something relatively timeless like a pair of Levis although even that is no safe bet). If your're unconvinced, then go get your mother's high school annual and envision her still wearing her then favorite outfit or hair style. Starting to get the picture? In any event, you can rest assured that this tattoo craze will eventually fade away. You can also be certain that you, your values, and your aesthetics will also change -- no matter how much you think otherwise now -- but that tattoo will never change, and you will be left with a permanent and perhaps painfully embarrasing reminder of your youthful folly.

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--Page created on Friday the 13th (June), 1997--
--Last revised January 3, 2000--